"If this is how my body is now, what will it be like in 10 years?"

Today I had my light bulb moment when I stumbled across Richard Cohen's blog. Richard is married to Meredith Vieira and was diagnosed ages ago with Multiple Sclerosis. And now, thanks to this post, "Importance of Staying Stubborn", I have a much better understanding of Roger.  Though we aren't faced with M/S, Roger does have issues that can affect his mobility. And thanks to Richard's post, I fully get Roger's "stubborness".  (Is that a word?!?!)   Either way, I ask that you please read Richard's post before continuing on with my entry.

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Awesome, thank for obliging me and now on to the purpose of my post.

Thanks to yet another ruptured disc (L1 this time), along with a very painful shoulder, Roger has been struggling in putting on his socks and shoes in the morning. This is actually nothing new, just currently made even more difficult at the moment due to very real injuries.

In my effort to help him out a bit, I found the aides (a nifty device to help you put on your socks and a super long shoe-horn) provided to him following his hip replacement and set them beside his shoes.  I had been encouraging him, as in nagging, to get them out himself, but when he didn't, I assumed he was simply forgetful. After a few days I told him I was happy that he was using the tools and noted how much easier it is to now accomplish what was a very difficult and painful task.  His response..."but I feel like I'm giving in".

This statement was completely lost on me. If you need help, get it!  Clearly I'm a Democrat at heart, but I digress. I told him he wasn't giving in, that he has a ruptured disc for heaven's sake. I've seen him flat on the floor before and was doing what I could to avoid that from happening again.

Back to his question. "If this is how my body is now, what will it be like in 10 years?" Roger posed this question to me just the other night.

I've allowed my mind to wander in that direction as well a time or two, but mostly in the functional sense.  A future home should be a single story and have a walk-in shower.  I need to be sure he has access to the best doctors like he currently has. I need to have a job that provides him with excellent health insurance. As far as the actual life-style aspect of the future, I rarely allow myself to think that far ahead and instead focus on what his capabilities are at the moment.

In the end, my response to him, which is 98% true, is that his body is only slightly the worse for wear than it was 10 years earlier, much of this due to the natural aging process.  But we know with Roger it's more than that.

Many years ago he was diagnosed with degenerative disc and bone disease. What this means is that over the course of our 24 year marriage he's had 4 back surgeries, rotator cuff surgery, and a hip replacement. (He's also had major surgery on his colon, but that's another story). His lower back is marred with scar tissue and arthritis. Soon he will need to have the left shoulder repaired as he is in intense pain right now, and the other hip is inevitable, but far from a current pressing matter. 

He's also had a nagging, sometimes screaming, wife yelling at him "to take it easy", "STOP THAT", "are you CRAZY"....on and on and on.

One thing I've known all along is that Roger's unwillingness to "give in" is what keeps his tired, arthritic body going. But more importantly, it's what keeps his spirit alive. He could have long ago just tossed in the towel, but he has absolutely refused.

I truly wish I could thank Richard Cohen personally for the openness and raw honesty that he shares with his readers, but for now I know I'll honor him by backing off Roger and letting him do things his way.  I'll suggest alternatives from time to time, but it's ultimately up to him to make the decision.

So 10 years from now I foresee a 71-year-old guy that has been through a lot mentally and physically, but will also still be a force to deal with, staying well ahead of his 64-year-old wife.  Oh, and he'll still have that wicked-fast sense of humor that also keeps me on my toes!

From Texas to Prince Edward Island, Canada

It didn't take us long after moving here to realize how close in proximity everything seemed to be and before long we were taking day trips here, there and everywhere, which eventually led to weekend getaways.  Mile after mile of coastal driving, the White Mountains, the lakes region, Vermont, the beginnings of Down East Maine (which is actually straight north, then bang a right), all within 2 hours of our home.

In 2005 we were taking a week long vacation and decided that would be the perfect time to go to Canada.  Eventually we would make two trips to Montreal, Quebec, but for our first foray we decided to head to Prince Edward Island, just off the coast of New Brunswick and Nova Scotia, about as far east as you can go by car (9+ hours away) without catching a ferry. On our return trip we planned a couple of evenings in Halifax, Nova Scotia, then a large ferry ride back to Maine.  1600 miles, 20 hours or more driving, not a weekend get away for sure!

But, back to Prince Edward Island (PEI as it's more commonly known) and back to the picture above.

While researching our trip I started pulling up online images of Prince Edward Island in order to get a sense of what would look like.  It was at this time that our picture popped up!  The exact same picture I bought Roger when in the hospital in Dallas before we even had the slightest inkling of moving anywhere.

So I started doing research and found the artist was Sandy Wadlington who lives in New Hampshire, though her profile noted that she had spent time in Texas as well.  Not having an actual address, but finding the town where she lived was quite small, I sent her a letter with nothing but her name and the town and sure enough, it made its way to her and eventually I received an email from her.

In my letter I told her how we ended up with a poster of one of her pieces and was hoping she could tell me where that specific scene was on PEI. It so happened that her original painting was from a photograph taken by her brother, but she herself had never been there.  She was kind enough to ask him if he recalled the location, and he in turn drew out a map of where he thought the photo was taken.  We were never able to find the exact spot, as we think it was on private land, but we sure had fun driving the area trying to find it.

In the end though, Roger and I were both amazed at this entire "coincidence".  Not having a single notion of moving in 1996, other than perhaps to a different neighborhood, then, due solely to the close proximity of our new home, to end up planning a vacation on PEI where our picture was based.  A picture that signified to us a very scary moment in time, but a picture that offered us both a scene of serenity and calm.

I still ask myself, "how in the world did this all fall into place"?

Part 1 of this story can be found here:  http://frontseatimages.blogspot.com/2015/01/i-call-it-kismet.html

Must Have Been Kismet!

Click the photo for a better view!

One of the harder stories to relate to others, be it family, friends or acquaintances, is how Roger and I came to the decision to move from Dallas, Texas to New England.  The story is difficult because it all just sort of happened, but deep down inside, though my heart was full with friends and family, the endless concrete of Dallas was stripping at my soul and spirit.  So in the fall of 1999, a random thought was spoken out loud, which lead to a larger conversation, not in a gripping sort of way, but in a meandering, what-if kind of way.  Where would we move? Near the ocean, of course!  Okay, Atlantic or Pacific?  North or South? Up until this point we'd only thought of perhaps moving to a different house in the same neighborhood. 

 

At the time I was working for a telecom company with offices on both sides of the continent, so a quick check of temperatures in Miami quickly eliminated a move Southeast.  A quick check of West Coast home prices quickly eliminated a move to California, unless you enjoy living in a trailer that is.  Then a sort of AHA moment. Boston!  It’s on the water, my company had offices there, we have family there.  Boston it is!  Seriously, it happened that quickly.  The tip-toe into the water came when our friend, Juanna, agreed to fly with me to Boston just to have a look around.  It was the week between Christmas and New Years and baby was it cold!  It was a quick trip just to get a glimpse and that’s pretty much all we got, but it certainly fueled the fire.

Next thing we know, Roger and I have a map of the Boston area spread out on our pool table.  Let’s see, Nortel (my former employer) is located in Billerica, northwest of Boston.  Here’s the ocean.  Let’s start right in between the two. Roger began calling the chamber of commerce of various towns just to have a chat.  Out of this came the decision that we’d move to Haverhill.  Had we ever been there?  No.  Had we even been to Boston or anywhere near it?  Other than my brief trip, no. Didn’t matter, this was the plan!

All along, the picture above had been hanging in our home for about 3 years. This was actually a poster that I purchased when Roger was very ill and in the hospital.  He’d been in the hospital so long that I decided we needed to decorate. I came across this picture and was instantly drawn to the soothing colors and pastoral waterfront scene. I brought it to the hospital and tacked it to the wall. After extensive surgery, resulting in a foot-long scar down his abdomen, he finally came home. We were so happy that he was finally coming home that we took the poster and had it framed.  This picture will come into play again in 2004.

Our next step was to book an actual vacation so we could really check out the area, and, to buy a home.  Yep, we flew into Boston the last week of June, 2000 for the sole purpose of buying a house in Haverhill, Massachusetts. We also took in a Redsox game, got horribly lost several times over our five day stay, but still we were undeterred. 

 

The next couple of days we spent with a realtor with whom we had connected with prior to our trip.  Within 48 hours we found our new home!  Also within that same time period we happened to pick up a local paper with a job listing for Roger.  A quick phone call, followed by an interview and job offer while I sat in the parking lot. 

Click, click, click…one by one all was falling into place.  Our home in Richardson sold lickety-split and on Labor Day weekend, less than 1 year from the initial “conversation”, with 2 dogs, 1 cat and both vehicles, we were moved into our new-to-us home that was built in 1900.

Part 2 is here:  http://frontseatimages.blogspot.com/2015/03/from-texas-to-prince-edward-island.html

Books, Books and MORE Books

Books...so very many books awaiting my attention.  I have the actual "hold in your hands and read 'em" books, and of course, books stashed in my kindle, which begs the question, if it's downloaded is it a "book" or a simply a collection of written words?

I actually have James Michener's "Chesapeake" in both versions, as the original tome is so large (published in approximately 8 pt type) that I added it to my Kindle as well so I'd have more opportunities to traipse through 370 years of history.  Having started reading the book back in June, 2014, in anticipation of a September trip to the Chesapeake Bay area, I'm happy to report that almost 7 months later I am now in 1938. Whew!!!  Only 40 years to go!

"Chesapeake" by James Michener

I find it interesting that the past year or so I've leaned towards books on Black history (Chesapeake resulted in this category); and Female Comedians, having read the biographies of Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling and the most awesome, Carol Burnett.  I'm doing my best to hold off on downloading Amy Poehler's book and so far so good.  As an aside, I also read BJ Novak's "One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories".  Some of his stories are pure genius and others just simply make you wonder.

However, back to what's waiting to be read.  I'm listing them here to see how long it takes me to whittle the list down, but considering that I now want to download, or buy, "Unbroken", and the fact that I'm still reading "Chesapeake", I'm more guessing that this will be a rather fluid list. 

In no particular order, currently on my Kindle:

1.  The Custom of the Country - Edith Wharton:  I read that this is being made into a movie so I wanted to read the book before hand, which implies that I'd actually go see the movie, which I rarely go see any movie, except for Bad Santa, now THAT was a good movie!

2.  The Path to Power:  The Years of Lyndon Johnson - Robert Caro:  As a Texan, I owe it to my heritage to know all about LBJ.

3.  The Elements of Style - Strunk & Strunk:  a book on writing.  Which I should probably refer to at this very moment to determine if I should be ending my numbered entries with a period or not.

4.  Wolf Hall - Hilary Mantel

5.  Bring up the Bodies:  A Novel - Hilary Mantel:  for some reason I was compelled to download both books.

6.  Tita - Marie Houzelle:  based in France, 'nuf said.

7.  People Skills - Robert Boulton:  according to Kindle I've read 19% of this book.  You'll see similar books like this as I saw my career crashing down around my ears, so I figure it must be a personal flaw. Right? Certainly it's not the fault of the establishment to see a sudden halt to what was originally an upwards projectory.  Right??

8.  Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High - Patterson & Grenny:  This book was recommended by a friend.  I've read 15% of this and am sure I will get back to it - eventually.

9.  301 Best Questions to Ask on Your Interview - John Kador:  I was in a rather desperate mood when I downloaded this book.  For the sake of everyone, I'm going to share #301.  Well, sadly they're not numbered so I guess I'll have to actually read the damn thing, but I did notice that there is a section on "Crucial Conversations".  Interesting.

10.  Hard Eight (Stephanie Plum) - Janet Evanovich:  I love, love, love the SP series! Such a fun, quick, laugh-out-loud (if Roger wasn't sleeping beside me anyway) series.  I'll be heartbroken if I find that at some point she's killed off her pistol-packing grandmother.

11.  The Naval War of 1812 OR the History of the United States Navy during the Last War with Great Britain to Which is Appended an Account of the Battle of New Orleans - Theodore Roosevelt:  It was a free download and that is the complete title.

12.  The Mysterious Affair at Styles - Agatha Christie

13.  And Then There Were None - Agatha Christie

14.  Chasing the Sun:  A Novel - Natalia Sylvester:  A "novel"?...okay moving on!

15.  The Twelve Tribes of Hattie - Ayana Mathis

16.  The Cuckoo's Calling - Robert Galbraith, JK Rowling's  pseudonym

17.  Dark Places:  A Novel - Gillian Flynn:  again, another "novel".  Flynn wrote the oh so infamous "Gone Girl:  A Novel" which I could not finish. So, I'm trying another of her books for some unknown reason.

18.  Praying God's Word:  Breaking Free from Spiritual Strongholds - Beth Moore:  Moore released 3 books for free download.  I've read one, and have 2 to go.  I did enjoy her style and her sharing of God's place in her life.  Another conundrum...should it be three, one, two; or 3,1,2; or is it fine how I wrote it in the first (1st?) place?

19.  10% Happier:  How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge and Found Self-Help That Actually Works - A True Story - Dan Harris.  Okay, Dan, I think you could have gone with "10% Happier:  A True Story".

20.   Hot Six (Stephanie Plum) - Janet Evanovich:  I'm so glad I created this list as I'm afraid I would have skipped # 6 and gone straight to #8.  Not sure where #7 is.

21.  The Associate Press Guide to Punctuation - Rene Cappon

22.  Negotiating Life:  Secrets for Everyday Diplomacy - Jeswald Salacuse:  see entry #7.  Serious self-esteem issues at play here.

23.  Eats, Shoots & Leaves:  The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation - Lynne Truss: Perhaps I should have simply paid more attention in high school.

24.  On Writing:  A Memoir Of The Craft - Stephen King:  I only recently learned the King actually taught writing, and perhaps still does. 

25.  The Women in His Life - Barbara Taylor Bradford:  a weak moment in time when I downloaded this book.  Who knows, it may carry me away!

So it appears that there are many more to list, so I'll stop here and resume with a secondary post, that's if you're still with me!

A Day for Giving Thanks

Today marks a bit of a milestone for us, but especially for Roger.

Just one year ago he was awaiting hip replacement surgery. One of his biggest concerns was would he be able to ride his Harley again. If you know Roger, or if you ride, you will fully understand.

The months leading up to the surgery he was in tremendous pain, unable to ride, and unable to enjoy life.  In the final weeks he was walking with a cane, finally acquiescing to the fact that that was the only way he would able to safely get around. And of course, with me telling him I needed to run into CVS and purchased the cane without his permission!

During this time, his job was getting increasingly more difficult with an immense amount of stress.

Now, one year later, he has a new hip and a new(ish) job (don't ever burn bridges!) which is much closer to home.  He is able to ride the Harley, though "we" are still under going discussion about this.

We don't know what the year ahead will bring, as it appears that I will be embarking on a forced career shift.  However, I am excited and so very nervous about what may lie ahead, but I know that God will provide the path in due time.

Regardless of what the future holds, I know for certain that each and every holiday Roger and I have together is just one more blessing in our life.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Happy Birthday, Roger!

Tomorrow my partner in fun turns 60-years-old!  I am so proud that I am his wife, as he continually makes me a better person, not only with his insight into life, but also just by watching him as he navigates through his own life.

For a while I've pondered the meaning of "grace", when it finally occurred to me that the definition of grace has been right in front of my eyes for the past 24 years.  Roger has been through more than his share of heart-breaking moments, and through them all he's shown an incredible capaciousness for forgiveness  that I've yet to see in anyone else.  He's also had more than his share of physical trials, but he keeps on going, refusing to let any one thing stop him from living the fullest life possible.

He doesn't dwell on what could have been and what might be, instead he lives in the here and now, which in turn helps me stay in the present instead of giving into my constant urge to focus on the future, and where we should or could be, and how we are going to get to where ever that might be.  He always pulls me back.

But more than anything, he makes me laugh!  The quickness of his wit always catches me off guard.  Seeing Roger with his dad and his brother before they passed away, you easily see that it ran deep in the gene pool.The Davis men could rarely be outdone with their hilarous tales and antics in life.

So, Happy Birthday, Roger, from your wife who is so very grateful for the constant love and laughter that you give to me and to others.  I love you so very much!!!

And Then Comes the Break of Dawn

Sunrise.  Just the word evokes an image of beauty.  The light changing from blackness to a dark blue ink and gradually more and more colors creeping in as the sun makes its ascent announcing the beginning of a new day, a day filled with promise.

But what if the day before this incredible sunrise you suffered a terrible tragedy or heard shocking news?  This came to mind yesterday when after hearing my dog continuing to bark outside I went to check on him.  Huge billows of smoke were coming from across the way.  A family home on fire which turned into a 2-alarm fire.  This, while 150 firefighters were battling a 9-alarm blaze in downtown Boston.  The huge winds playing a role in both events.

Fortunately for my neighbors home, the wind saved the majority of the house.  However, in Boston, the wind fueled the fire that took the lives of 2 firemen trapped in the basement of a 4-story brownstone.

Thinking of the families involved in these two events brought to mind when my parents told us kids that they were divorcing.  They sat us down, shared the news, and then out went my dad to some unknown apartment on the other side of town.  Now, I can only imagine his own heartbreak, but as I was on the verge of turning 13 it was devastating.  One day, all was mostly okay with the world, then suddenly all was tossed around without any understanding of why.

So off to bed you go, cry yourself to sleep and somehow, almost magically you dream away what remains of the night.  You start to awaken, moved by the filter of light, a sound, a cat, and all seems well. But as your senses gather it strikes with a force that all is not right.  You struggle to gain perspective as to what happened the day before, then as the weight of it all comes into full realization, you wonder how you'll make it through the day that lies ahead.

Somehow you carry on, traveling a familiar road but suddenly unfamiliar with its path.  The dawn has broken and so has your heart.

Prayers going out to the families in Massachusetts who's lives are forever changed.

"The Warmth of Other Suns" - Isabel Wilkerson

"I was leaving the South

To fling myself into the unknown...

I was taking a part of the South

To transplant in alien soil,

To see if it could grow differently,

If it could drink of new and cool rains,

Bend in strange winds,

Respond to the warmth of other suns

And, perhaps, to bloom."

     - Richard Wright

Currently I'm reading "The Warmth of Other Suns", by Isabel Wilkerson, which painstakingly, yet so effortlessly, details the decades long migration of the African American population from the South to the nether regions of the United States, thereby forever changing society's landscape of the United States.

I'm early into this book which has completely captivated me, but before even reaching the Table of Contents I came across the above quote by Richard Wright, born and raised in Natchez, Mississippi in the early 1900's, who later migrated to Chicago.

The Blacks were escaping what was so much more than simple racism and prejudice, rather they were moving towards a life that could and should be lived without fear, and instead with a tangible hope for their future.

As a native Southerner it disheartens me to know that my ancestors most likely played a role in this as well, and on some level, continues today, mostly in the form of opinions that are best left unsaid.  Certainly there were no plantation owners in my lineage but I would like to think that my ancestors jumped to the rescue of maligned Blacks, but more than likely that did not occur.  Perhaps on occasion, but day-to-day, it's hard to fathom that they would have been any different than the rest of the Anglo population as they made their own migration as farmers from Virginia to Texas, and some on to Colorado.

How hopeful is Mr. Wright's perspective? "Respond to the warmth of other suns, And, perhaps, to bloom."

My own hope is to learn and grow from this book, and see how in my own little way I can resist the oh-so-easy temptation to lump individuals into one large category due to their racial makeup or income or otherwise.

I challenge everyone to find Ms. Wilkerson's book and to discover your own way to bloom in this world.