Happy Birthday, Roger!

Tomorrow my partner in fun turns 60-years-old!  I am so proud that I am his wife, as he continually makes me a better person, not only with his insight into life, but also just by watching him as he navigates through his own life.

For a while I've pondered the meaning of "grace", when it finally occurred to me that the definition of grace has been right in front of my eyes for the past 24 years.  Roger has been through more than his share of heart-breaking moments, and through them all he's shown an incredible capaciousness for forgiveness  that I've yet to see in anyone else.  He's also had more than his share of physical trials, but he keeps on going, refusing to let any one thing stop him from living the fullest life possible.

He doesn't dwell on what could have been and what might be, instead he lives in the here and now, which in turn helps me stay in the present instead of giving into my constant urge to focus on the future, and where we should or could be, and how we are going to get to where ever that might be.  He always pulls me back.

But more than anything, he makes me laugh!  The quickness of his wit always catches me off guard.  Seeing Roger with his dad and his brother before they passed away, you easily see that it ran deep in the gene pool.The Davis men could rarely be outdone with their hilarous tales and antics in life.

So, Happy Birthday, Roger, from your wife who is so very grateful for the constant love and laughter that you give to me and to others.  I love you so very much!!!

And Then Comes the Break of Dawn

Sunrise.  Just the word evokes an image of beauty.  The light changing from blackness to a dark blue ink and gradually more and more colors creeping in as the sun makes its ascent announcing the beginning of a new day, a day filled with promise.

But what if the day before this incredible sunrise you suffered a terrible tragedy or heard shocking news?  This came to mind yesterday when after hearing my dog continuing to bark outside I went to check on him.  Huge billows of smoke were coming from across the way.  A family home on fire which turned into a 2-alarm fire.  This, while 150 firefighters were battling a 9-alarm blaze in downtown Boston.  The huge winds playing a role in both events.

Fortunately for my neighbors home, the wind saved the majority of the house.  However, in Boston, the wind fueled the fire that took the lives of 2 firemen trapped in the basement of a 4-story brownstone.

Thinking of the families involved in these two events brought to mind when my parents told us kids that they were divorcing.  They sat us down, shared the news, and then out went my dad to some unknown apartment on the other side of town.  Now, I can only imagine his own heartbreak, but as I was on the verge of turning 13 it was devastating.  One day, all was mostly okay with the world, then suddenly all was tossed around without any understanding of why.

So off to bed you go, cry yourself to sleep and somehow, almost magically you dream away what remains of the night.  You start to awaken, moved by the filter of light, a sound, a cat, and all seems well. But as your senses gather it strikes with a force that all is not right.  You struggle to gain perspective as to what happened the day before, then as the weight of it all comes into full realization, you wonder how you'll make it through the day that lies ahead.

Somehow you carry on, traveling a familiar road but suddenly unfamiliar with its path.  The dawn has broken and so has your heart.

Prayers going out to the families in Massachusetts who's lives are forever changed.

"The Warmth of Other Suns" - Isabel Wilkerson

"I was leaving the South

To fling myself into the unknown...

I was taking a part of the South

To transplant in alien soil,

To see if it could grow differently,

If it could drink of new and cool rains,

Bend in strange winds,

Respond to the warmth of other suns

And, perhaps, to bloom."

     - Richard Wright

Currently I'm reading "The Warmth of Other Suns", by Isabel Wilkerson, which painstakingly, yet so effortlessly, details the decades long migration of the African American population from the South to the nether regions of the United States, thereby forever changing society's landscape of the United States.

I'm early into this book which has completely captivated me, but before even reaching the Table of Contents I came across the above quote by Richard Wright, born and raised in Natchez, Mississippi in the early 1900's, who later migrated to Chicago.

The Blacks were escaping what was so much more than simple racism and prejudice, rather they were moving towards a life that could and should be lived without fear, and instead with a tangible hope for their future.

As a native Southerner it disheartens me to know that my ancestors most likely played a role in this as well, and on some level, continues today, mostly in the form of opinions that are best left unsaid.  Certainly there were no plantation owners in my lineage but I would like to think that my ancestors jumped to the rescue of maligned Blacks, but more than likely that did not occur.  Perhaps on occasion, but day-to-day, it's hard to fathom that they would have been any different than the rest of the Anglo population as they made their own migration as farmers from Virginia to Texas, and some on to Colorado.

How hopeful is Mr. Wright's perspective? "Respond to the warmth of other suns, And, perhaps, to bloom."

My own hope is to learn and grow from this book, and see how in my own little way I can resist the oh-so-easy temptation to lump individuals into one large category due to their racial makeup or income or otherwise.

I challenge everyone to find Ms. Wilkerson's book and to discover your own way to bloom in this world.

A Treasure Trove of Fun & Adventure

 

Susan and I met in 1980 at the beginning of our sophomore year in college.  We lived in West Hall, a dump of a dorm, located adjacent to what is now the University of North Texas.  

She had the room next door to me, Carol and Jane, and had one heck of a personality conflict with her assigned roommate.  Fortunately, her roommate had her fill of all of us, so she moved out mid-semester, which made room for Robin, another from Everman, to move in with Susan.  From then on it's been one adventure after another with my sister from another mister, and well, another mother!

Below are just a few highlights of the past 33 years, and please don't even begin to think we've wisely used our time rescuing small animals and pondering the mysteries of the universe.  No, we've always had much more important stuff to do!

Dallas, 199? - An irish bar, a martini bar, and one last Irish bar, and the misjudged height of a bar stool.

Austin, 199? - a phone book on the receiving end of Susan's rarely displayed anger.

France, 199? - final night of a 10 day trip with an impromptu group dinner involving a Frenchman, his ex-wife and her new British husband.  Oh, and Susan using her own cork screw to pop open a bottle of wine.  Needless to say the waitress was, how you say, furieuse!

Fort Lauderdale, 2000 - she met Roger and I, along with Nicole and her friend, in Florida to celebrate Nicole's 21st birthday. We all trekked down to Aruba's one evening to celebrate properly.  However, Roger wasn't feeling well so he returned to the hotel leaving us 4 ladies behind which turned into a rather raucous evening to say the least.  Closing time found the four of us, for reasons unknown, waddling home like ducks, only to encounter Roger who came looking for us as it was well past midnight.

New Orleans, 1985 - this trip trumped everything before and after.  Here a some highlights.
Discovering Bryan Lee, a blind blues singer who played at the Old Absinthe House.   Same name as my brother, but very different people indeed!   (http://www.braillebluesdaddy.com/bryan_lee_biography/)

A trip by taxi to an awesome restaurant where 2 things went horribly awry.  One, they didn't accept credit cards and we had no cash.  Two, the neighborhood was so dicey we could not get a cab to pick us up so we had to walk to the French Quarter.  After hooking up with a posse of hookers, as there's always safety in numbers, (right?) we were rescued by a woman in a cab who yelled at us to get into the cab "right now!" and she had us safely transported to the quarter.

Susan "tipping" a cab driver with something other than cash, and we'll leave it at that.

 

All of these adventures aside, and there's many more that will never be shared publicly, she's been there through thick and thin, always willing to lend an ear, share a beer, and just gab the night away.  Many a times the three of us would sit long into the night on the front porch of our home in Richardson waiting for even the slightest of a cool breeze. 

Now, it’s mostly long conversations on the phone when we chat about everything and chat about absolutely nothing, going so far as to take the phone to the bathroom to continue on.  Yeah, we’re that close!

We love you, Susan and I’ll see you in February on Aer Lingus for that 6 hour flight to Dublin!

 

Sometimes, it takes a Street Corner

It's been a while since I've updated our blog, however, I was struck over the weekend while watching a couple argue on a street corner. 

Roger and I were sipping beers in a local pub with a view of a rather busy street corner when we noticed the pair obviously in a disagreement.  She, short in stature compared to her lover, husband, or was it her boyfriend, with her arms folded, looking up at him. He, looking down at her, but without imposing an "I'm bigger than you attitude", emphatically stating his view of the arguement.  Soon there were tears, more emphatic words spoken, arm rubbing,  consolation, then hugs, then a kiss.  All on a street corner.

Just before this, we witnessed a couple in a tiff over parellel-parking. The lady was driving and the man insisted he needed to be the one to park the car.  As he was "expertly" backing into spot, (which was quite large I must say) his lady was standing on the sidewalk, again with arms crossed, emphatically stating, "I can do that!".  With the car safely parked, the couple darted across the street in front of us, spoke a few words, snatched a quick kiss, then hurried around the corner.

I told Roger that that is one of the hardest parts of marriage, settling conflict on the spot, sometimes with all the world to see. 

With friends, and sometimes family, you can brush off any perceived or real misdeeds and let the dust settle gradually over time.  That's the easiest way.  However, in marriage, you can't afford to let disagreements linger as they tend to unexpectedly blow up on you.  As much as you want to ignore and move on, as it sure beats trying to find a tissue in public or fix your make-up with whatever you find lingering in the bottom of your purse, (face it, the guy never cries) but at the end of it all, and at the end of the day, you sleep much more soundly and snuggle so much more closely when all has been resolved. 

Sometimes marriage is resolved on a street corner with passersby moving along and the world watching from a distance.

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What's not to Love About February!

Ah, the month of February. Valentine's Day, my birthday and wedding anniversary all within 8 days from start to finish. On the one hand I can say, "It's all about me!"". But fortunately I'm blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life who are also born in February.

I'll start with my beautiful mother, Loretta, who was born on her mother's birthday, Feb. 19. (Clearly a sign indicative of my lifelong impatience, I came 3 days too early to make the day a trifecta.) I never knew my maternal grandmother as she passed when my mother was only a toddler. Momma was the youngest of 6 children and was ultimately raised by "Mamaw", who had the unrivaled courage to marry man raising 6 kids! There's so much I've learned from my mom in terms of strength (which is a true test for me even today) and a grand sense of adventure. She has to realize she's to blame for me now living 2,000 from "home".

Next, is my phenomenal mother-in-law, Wanda. I must say, she was the originator of celebrating the "birthday month", which I'm more than happy to follow in this grand tradition. In reality, she celebrates all month long as it's impossible for her to fit into one single day all the lunches, dinners and long phone calls with friends and family whose lives have been touched by her constant caring and the long reach of her compassion for others.

And then there's other family members. Tara Davis, a spit-fire for sure, whose beautiful blue eyes just draw you into what ever she may be in the midst of. Melissa, my brother's step-daughter who's raising a beautiful daughter, both inside and out!

And then, there's my friends, Mary and Holly. We seemed to somewhat stumble into each other's lives almost 20 years ago and simply never missed a beat. There's many more to our little group, but they won't be mentioned by name as they weren't born in February! It's rare to form such strong bonds over one common interest, especially when that interest was "All My Children". And while our initial monthly get-togethers were solely for watching AMC, it wasn't long before that was last topic to come arise.

And so many others who share this month along with us. Too many high school friends to mention, co-workers and family members of friends! With a special shout out to Katie King, for without Katie, there'd be no Susan King in my life today!!!

So while February is the briefest month on the calendar, there's no other month that is so packed full of wonderful memories, special moments and all around festivities.

I Won the "2010 Erica Award"!

My acceptance speech is below. Completely unedited and uncut (because I don't know how) and unfortunately, unscripted!

My speech is garbled because it was a BELOW ZERO wind chill, not because I'd been swilling! Oh yeah, turn up your volume, the wind was drowning out my speech.